Episode 5--When Confidence Seems Out Of Reach

Confidence isn’t built in grand gestures — it’s reclaimed in quiet, daily truths.
 In this episode of #SoulfullyAlignedPodcast, I’ll help you find the first steps back to believing in yourself.

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 📄 Download When Confidence Seems Out Of Reach Guide → https://app.typeset.com/play/KORPMG

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Transcript

Maxine Bingham: 0:02

Hey, love. Go ahead and pull up a chair. Grab your tea, your coffee, or whatever brings you comfort at this moment because we are going to have one of those heartfelt talks today. You know, the kind of talk where there's no pretending, no polished responses, or no, I am fine when you know that you really are not. Today we're talking about something I know that you have felt, even if you haven't said it out loud, and that is confidence, or more specifically when it goes missing. I. That feeling of looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, where did she go? The feeling of being good at everything for everyone else, but somehow you're still doubting if you're good enough for yourself. Yes. We're gonna go there because confidence isn't just about showing up in red lipstick and heels and a beautiful dress. It's about showing up in your truth. And sometimes that truth can feel messy, uncertain, and even quiet. But even in that place, and especially in that place, I want you to know that you are still whole. So let's start from the beginning. In this first segment, we are gonna look at when confidence slowly slips away. So let's slow down together for a moment. Go ahead and take a breath with me, and maybe this time don't rush into the next thing. Don't move too fast to fix anything. I want you to just sit with me here. Just for a little while because I want to talk to the part of you that's been feeling a little off lately. Not broken, just disconnected. Like something in, you got quiet, it faded, maybe even lost along the way. And I want to tell you something that you may not have heard in a very long time. And that is I see you. I see the version of you that shows up for everyone, even when you are running on empty. I see the one who smiles when she just wants to scream, the one who holds space for others, but feels like no one truly holds space for her. I know what it feels like to be that strong, capable woman. And still wonder where your confidence went, not the kind that you fake, not the kind that comes from performance or perfection, but the kind that used to feel like home. The kind that let you walk into a room and feel grounded in who you are. The kind that didn't flinch when someone questioned you, the kind that didn't require applause in order to feel valid. Do you remember that version of you? Maybe you just haven't seen her in a while. Maybe she's been buried beneath years of over functioning, overgive, overthinking. Maybe the world loved the version of you that keeps it all together, but forgot to ask if you are okay and maybe just maybe you forgot to ask yourself. So here's the truth that no one is going to tell you. Confidence doesn't usually disappear in a moment. It drips away slowly, almost silently. One little self abandonment at a time. One moment of saying yes when you meant no one choice to stay quiet, to avoid the sigh. The side eye, the disappointments. One more day of pretending that you are okay When you know that you are not, and it starts to pile up until one day you wake up and you realize that you don't quite recognize the woman that's looking back at you in that mirror. Not because she's failed, not because she's weak, but because she's been holding so much for so long that her own needs became a whisper, and now she's tired. Tired of proven, tired of performing, tired of pretending. So if that's you, if you've been silently carrying the weight of invisibility behind a strong woman's smile, I want you to know that you're not crazy. I. You are not weak and you're most certainly not broken. What you are is you are human, and your confidence didn't leave because you weren't good enough. It dimmed because the world didn't make space for your light to shine without demanding something in return. But here's the beautiful thing about light. It doesn't go away. It just needs permission to rise again. You don't need to fix yourself. You don't need to hustle for your worth. You just need a moment, maybe this one, to begin seeing yourself again. Not the version that's always on. Not the one everyone expects, but the woman underneath it all. Yes, she's still there and she's ready to come home. In segment two, we are gonna look at the voice inside and why it got so quiet. You know, there's a voice that resides inside of you. You may not hear her much lately, or maybe she only shows up in fleeting moments like a soft breeze that's brushing against you when the world finally gets quiet. She's the part of you that knows exactly who you are, the one. Who used to speak with certain certainty, the one who used to light up rooms. Not because she tried, but because she simply existed. But if you're anything like me, if you've lived a little and been through a lot, you might, you might have noticed that voice has grown quieter and you don't know exactly what happened. Was it the day you were told to tone it down? Was it the moment you gave more than you had to give? Was it after years of feeling like you were too much and somehow not, not enough at the same time? Somewhere along the line you started questioning yourself. You started trading your truth for approval. You started playing roles to keep the piece, you started editing your brilliance so no one would feel threatened. And that voice. She didn't leave. She just got tired of being dismissed. She whispered, this just isn't right. And you said, I know, but it's safer this way. You said you deserve more. And you replied, maybe later she said. Please just choose me. And you were too busy surviving to say yes. But the great thing is she never truly left. And that's what I want you to remember right now. I. In this sacred space that we are sharing the voice inside of you, the one that knows your worth, the one that remembers your dreams, the one that feels joy, even when things aren't perfect. Yes, she is still there. She is just waiting for you to turn toward her again. You may have gone years putting everyone else first. You may have built a life that looks good, but doesn't feel good. You may have learned how to function without feeling, but friend surviving isn't the same as living, and silence isn't the same as peace. You weren't made to walk through life, disconnected from yourself, that soft inner voice, she's sacred, she's intuitive, she's wise, she is not weak. She is your well, and maybe all the need she needs is for you to pause long enough to say, Hey, I'm listening now, and I'm so sorry that I stopped. But now I'm here. That's the beginning of everything, because that voice, she doesn't need you to be perfect. She just needs you to be present. What would happen if you trusted her again, I. Not the opinions of everyone else, not the demands, not the fear, but her. The voice inside that says, you know what's right for you. You know when you're shrinking, you know when you're settling. She might not shout, but she never stops speaking, and the more you honor her. The more she rises with every boundary you set, with every truth you tell, with every moment you stop performing and start being this, this is how confidence is restored. Not from the inside, not from the outside in, but from the inside out. And it begins when you choose to hear her again and maybe today. At this exact moment is the day that you will say, I see you, I hear you, and I'm coming back for you. In the third segment, we're gonna look at how to see yourself again. So go ahead, take a breath with me, let it be slow. Let it be yours. Let it remind you that you are here, that you're still breathing, that you are not too far gone to begin again, because this next part, it is sacred. It's the turning point. It's where you stop asking what happened to me and start asking, how can I begin seeing myself again? And I want you to be honest with you because seeing yourself again doesn't happen in one big aha moment. It's not flashy. It's not always Instagrammable. It's quiet, it's tender, it's sometimes heartbreaking and often incredibly healing. It starts in the small moments that most people overlook. It happens when you catch yourself dim in your light and choose to let it shine just a little longer. I. It happens when you walk past the mirror, pause, and instead of criticizing yourself, you offer the woman staring back at you just a little grace. It happens when you say, I am tired and mean it and honor it without the guilt. It happens when you ask, what do I actually want? Who am I when no one is watching? What parts of me have I hidden just to be accepted? And maybe the biggest question of all is, can I love the version of me that I have been hiding? You see, the road to reconnecting with yourself isn't paved in perfection is paved in permission. Permission to soften, permission to question, permission, to show up exactly as you are messy. Unsure, unfinished, and know that even here you are worthy and you are right now. Even if your life feels like a tangle of unmet needs on unfinished dreams, you are not invisible. You are not lost, you are not broken. You are becoming, and sometimes seeing yourself again starts with remembering. You are more than what you do. You are more than what's expected of you. You are more than your titles, your tasks, and your to-do lists. You are soul, you are breath, you are beauty in motion, even on your lowest days. Even when you don't feel like it, even when your voice still trembles. So here is what I want to ask you. When was the last time you looked at yourself without judgment? Not to fix, not to improve, but just to see. Can you look at yourself now and say, there you are. I've missed you. I know I haven't always shown up for you. But now I am here and I promise not to abandon you again. That right there, that's the moment that your healing begins. That's the moment. Confidence isn't something you try to create. It's something you remember. You see, you've always been in there even when life made you forget. And now today. You begin seeing her again maybe for the first in a long while, and I promise that she's truly worth rediscovering. In Segment four, we're gonna look at what confidence looked like at this moment for you. Let's be honest, love the version of confidence we were taught to chase. It's loud, it's polished, it's curated, and camera ready. It walks in room and takes over, but the truth. That's not the kind of confidence that I'm speaking about today. That's not the kind of confidence that most of us actually need because that version, it burns you out trying to maintain it. It relies on applause. It demands that you keep proving your worth every hour, every day, and eventually it collapses under its own weight. But this season of your life, the woman that you are now, she's after something much deeper confidence. Now, doesn't need to shout it doesn't need to prove it, doesn't need to convince anyone of anything. Confidence now it's quiet, it's sacred, it's rooted, and it's real. It looks like saying no without over explaining. It looks like honoring your energy and choosing rest over guilt. It looks like being at peace with not being everyone else's cup of tea. It's in the way you walk away from what no longer honors your spirit, not with anger, but with clarity. It's how you take up space, not because you have something to prove, but because you finally believe that you belong. You want to know what confidence look like to me now is crying and not apologizing for it. It's telling the truth. Even when it makes the room uncomfortable, it's celebrating yourself without waiting for someone else to notice. It's sitting in your car after a long day and saying, I am proud of you. I. You made it and that's enough. It's taking your hand off the wheel of everyone else's expectations and finally steering toward what makes you feel alive because the woman that you are today, I. She's not who she used to be. She's deeper, now wiser, braver in ways that don't look like bravery from the outside. She doesn't need to be loud because her spirit is already speaking volume. I. If you've been wandering where your confidence has gone, maybe the real question is, am I measuring it by someone else's definition? Because if you've survived what you've survived, if you've kept showing up when no one clapped, if you've continued to love to serve, to grow, to rise, you are the definition of strength. You are the em embodiment of, of courage. You are confidence, not the kind that they taught us, but the kind that lasts and you didn't lose it. You just outgrew the version that was based on performance and now you're ready for a version that's based on truth, on wholeness of on coming home to yourself. And maybe the most powerful thing you can say today isn't, I'm confident I. Maybe it's simply I'm learning to trust myself. Again. I'm not he there yet, but I'm coming home and that that's more than enough. So in segment five, we are gonna call it back confidence as a sacred return. So again, take a slow breath with me, not a rush one. Not one where you're performing, but a real one, one that belongs to you. Let it drop into your belly and let it say, I am still here because you are, you're still here. Even if you've gone quiet, even if you've stopped recognizing yourself in certain rooms, even if you've forgotten how it feels to speak from your gut instead of your fear. I. You are still here and now we call you back. We call back your voice, your presence, your confidence, not the costume, but the core. Confidence is something, it's not something you have to chase or manufacture. It's not waiting for you in some distance. Future version of yourself. It's not on the other side of weight loss, approval or perfection. Confidence isn't out there. It's in you and it always was. It's just been waiting for you to remember and maybe that remembering starts right here. In this moment, in the stillness, in this little invitation to come back home to your own skin. You don't have to climb your way back with hustle and grit. You don't have to fix yourself because you are worthy of feeling whole. You simply have to stop abandoning yourself. So let me ask you this. What if you made a decision today, not a dramatic one. But a sacred one to start treating your confidence like it's something holy, like it's something to be nourished and not performed, something to honor and not push around. What if you believe that the real you, the unfiltered, unedited, deeply human you was already worthy of being seen, loved, and heard. Not because you've checked all the boxes, not because you've achieved all the things, not because you exist, but because you woke up today because your soul is still choosing you even when you forgot to. That my love is sacred and that is the return. And yes, the return might be slow. You might not feel. It all at once. You might take two steps forward, then wobble back into the shadows. But you know what? It's okay because returning to yourself isn't a straight line. It's a rhythm. It's a reclaiming, it's a reremembering. And here is what I know with my old whole heart is you're not starting over. You're coming back much wiser, softer, and deeper, and your confidence. She's just waiting for the moment for you to whisper. I see you again and I am ready to rise. Even if it's a whisper, even if your knees are shaken, even if you're still figuring out, she hears you and she is already rising. In segment six, we're gonna look at some sacred integration, and I want you to let this land in your body. So go ahead and pause right here. Love not to wrap it all up with a bow, but to simply breathe, to let it land, because everything that we have talked about today, it's not just information, it's a homecoming. And home Cummins are not rushed. They're tidy, and they're sacred. So as we close this space, I want you to gently gather the pieces that you've laid down. I. Not to pick them all back up, but to recognize which ones are no longer yours to carry. Confidence isn't about becoming someone new. It's about remembering the woman that you have always been. The one beneath the burnout, the one behind the mask, the one who never stopped hoping to be seen even when she stopped looking in the mirror. You don't need to fight to get her back. You only need to listen. So let's reflect not just with your mind, but with your whole self. Let the wisdom of your body speak and let's gather what this episode has offered you. So here's a summary of each segment that we just went over. Segment one we looked at when confidence slowly slips away, you learned that confidence doesn't disappear overnight. It slowly fades through years of saying yes when you meant no through shrinking to make others comfortable. But even when you're light dimmed, it never went out. Segment two, the voice inside and why it got so quiet. Quiet. You reconnected with the voice within the one who whispers truth. Even when you've stopped listening, that voice never left. She's still waiting for you to return toward her and say, I hear you. Segment three, we looked at seeing yourself again. You remembered that seeing yourself isn't about doing more. It's about giving yourself permission to simply be. You began to ask, what do I want? What have I it hidden? What needs to come back into the light? Segment four was what confidence look like. Now you redefined what confidence means in this season. Not loud, not perfect, not for show, but rooted slow. Boundaried and brave even went soft. Segment five, we looked at, let's call it back confidence as a sacred return. You began your return. You made space for the truth. That confidence doesn't need to be earned, it needs to be honored. You said to your soul, I see you again. And I'm ready to rise. So let's look at a mantra for integration. I want you to repeat after me with breath and with intention. I am not lost. I am returning. My confidence is not a performance, it is my presence. I trust my inner voice. I honor my sacred space. I am already enough and I am home. So breathe. Say it again if you need to. And go ahead and let it land deeper. Let it become your rhythm. So here we are, a little more open, a little more honest, a little closer to who you have always been. If today you felt seen, if something stirred in you or softened or simply reminded you that you are not alone, I want you to carry that with you. You don't have to do this alone. I. You don't have to figure it out overnight. You don't have to have it all together to be worthy of being seen because you are already worthy. You are already whole, and you are already enough. And if today was your first real breath in a long time. I truly honor that. If you want more moments like this, if you want community reflection or a safe space to lay it all down, I'd love for you to join me in the Soulfully Aligned Facebook group. This is where we walk each other home, one real, beautiful, sacred step at a time. So loves. Until next time, with love, with Grace, and with the truth that your light was never lost. It was simply waiting for you to see it again. I am Maxine and I'll meet you here again in the stillness